Necessity

I apologise for my lack of blogging I went away for a while. I shan't bother you with my travel itinerary or anything of the sort. But I have returned.

I have literally just stepped through baggage reclaim and am currently having a drink and a cigarette.

Despite not boring you with my itinerary dear readers, I shall tell you why I went away. I was no longer required by my friend Ben, whom I counselled through his bad time, so I took a trip to recover my soul and give my heart time to heal. 

But alas I fear it has not worked. I find myself to be a little darker on the inside than I first thought. Whilst I was away I had a few misadventures. They showed me that the side of myself I had worked so hard to dispose of is still there. For me, that is a worrying development. I, as I'm sure many of you do, try not to have a hand in the destruction of others lives. Yet I feel that at times it is necessary.

Prior to my departure I discovered my nemesis but more on that in my next post. 

I'm curious though, could any of you be a necessary evil? 

Comment or email me. 

Spencer.sebastian.collins@gmail.com

Love,

Spencer X

Slander.

So I took some time away from the world. No blogging. No working. No phone. Just existing. It was truly peaceful and then I come back to naught but slanderous remarks about my lifestyle from friend's families. Remarks about my lifestyle. So dear readers prepare for a whistle stop tour through the way I choose to live.

First, let me start by saying that I am not a great man. Far from it. I simply live as every male would like to. But now for the tour.

I have no real family, as a result I have the amazing ability to do what I want when I want and not be questioned about it. I can go out and spend a ridiculous amount of money on caviar and champagne and it's fine. I can be as immoral as I want and the only person I have to judge me is myself. Due to these circumstances, I live, what was referred to as, the bachelor lifestyle. I like that. It's a good euphemism.

The bachelor lifestyle consists of a few basics. I fuck, I drink, I smoke and I do drugs. Let's break those down and analyse what peoples problems with them may be.

I fuck. Okay, I have sex regularly. I'm not married nor am I in a relationship. But humans are one of two or three mammals on the planet that fuck for pleasure, so hang me - I'm a fucking hedonist. One of my friend's mothers said about me 'That Spencer boy will never find a wife if he carries on the way he is. He's not living a christian life and I don't like you spending time with him.' Right. Where to begin? For a start the friend in question is a lovely lad. Bit of a pain in the arse when I'm having fun but apart from that, nice guy. I do not influence or even attempt to influence the way he lives. Plus his darling mother tried to fuck me when I was high as a fucking kite so she doesn't have a leg to stand on. By the way, if you're the husband to this woman I have texts that can confirm this little fact. The wife comment. One day, I would like to get married. But not to someone who can't accept my past or the man it has made me. Finally, the christian lifestyle. I have a problem with god. He has robbed me of an awful lot, but I don't hold that against him. These things happen. But I try to be a good person most of the time so me and him are okay. Just because I don't live by some ancient code written down by men and held up on high as the word of god when realistically it's just pompous, bigoted scripture doesn't make me a bad person. Correct? NEXT.

I drink. I drink too much, but at the moment I'm good with that. I can deal with it and it doesn't affect my life. Some people have called me an alcoholic. People can say what they like to/about me. People's opinions (barring a few) have very little effect on my choices. I drink because I want to. Not because I need to there is a very subtle difference there.

I smoke. I will quit when I no longer enjoy it. No more needs to be said.

I take drugs. I understand peoples problem with this one but it's my own choice and like I said previously I'm a hedonist. I do things that feel good and make me happy regardless of consequences. But the drug trade is filthy and disgusting. But I don't pressure people into taking them, if they want to I allow them to explore their curiosity and if they don't I leave the matter. I can understand people taking issue with this if they think I'm pushing their children/boyfriends/girlfriends/brothers/sisters into anything, but I'm not. Besides, deep down everybody knows their limits. I just refuse to listen to mine and ignore them as much as possible.

These 4 characteristics make up my lifestyle. Couple them with work and a house and you've got a happy single man. Happiness is all that matters to me. Fuck money, fuck possessions, fuck everything. I'd rather be poor, alone and happy than rich married to someone I hated and miserable.

What matters most to you?

Spencer X

Truth prevails at last. Never good news.

So this is the conclusion to my 'Yin To His Yang' post. My dear friend BT chose option a). A smart move in theory, but not in reality. You see KG hasn't been entirely truthful with our dear protagonist. You see, even after everything that has transpired, she's ran back into the arms of her apparent 'ex' boyfriend, JB. Now I was always skeptical as to whether they actually broke up, if they didn't then she cheated on him with BT. It was only a kiss and I would not class such a thing as cheating unless there was an emotional connection, which there was so yeah there was cheating.

I, exhausted from the day's being nice to customers and shaking up cocktails, wanted to sleep when I returned from work but my friend needed me. So I went out with him. He was a mess. He'd taken so many prescription drugs he could only perceive the world as colours. Bless him. He was fine though. He's still alive and he says hello to you all. I'm concerned about him now though. This girl was the only thing keeping him good and well behaved. I'm worried that he's going to go back to how he was. It's not a good thing. I am a pretty immoral person. I take drugs, I drink, I fuck a lot (including married women/affianced girls/girls with boyfriends/lesbians), I occasionally get into a little scuffle. But I am able to do this because I have nothing left to lose. Nothing beautiful remains in my life. Before anybody starts thinking that this is some attempt at a cry for help it isn't. I'm ok with this. I'm happy with the life I live. I have more fun than the majority of you. But BT, he's a nice boy deep down. Granted, he has his dark side and I've seen it, it's very fucking dark, but unlike me he isn't pure evil - though he may profess to be such a thing.

I saw N tonight though. Considering that I abandoned her and left her emotionally traumatised I assumed I was going to get slapped, but we spoke and we caught up. Effectively we're strangers, she says she doesn't know me and doesn't know if she can trust me. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I am good with the English language. I can talk my way in and out of anything - be it a girls pants or a night in the cells - however, N had a profound effect upon your darling author. She made him very, very sad. Very happy, and nigh on blissful, but still very sad. Because you see dear reader, little miss N is one of a select number of girls that I've wanted that I never had. With N it was always because the time never felt right. Yes you read that correctly, it never FELT right. Because, you see, unlike the majority of my species I have enough emotional self respect to not need sex. I have tried to instill this message into BT with some success. I will not fuck a girl if I don't feel right about it.I have been sexually abused by women because of this many times. It's not as fun as it sounds.

I am furious with KG for lying to and hurting my friend. I'm half tempted to get her to fall in love with me and really fuck her up. I know you're thinking that's a little big headed of me but it'd be easy enough to do. She fell in lust with BT after a week of knowing him she told me. If he hadn't have had a little breakdown and disappeared she would have been in love with him. I never told him that. It'd hurt him too much. Sorry man. But no, instead she goes and fucks 2 of his friends and goes home with 1 of his friends to his own fucking house. Jesus, I thought I was a cunt. She was forever telling me that he'd hurt her and that she didn't know what to do because he just disappeared and he was so unpredictable. Honey, if you're reading this you'll know it's about you. So let me tell you something that dear Ben told me. BT's name is Ben. He told me, and granted he'd had a lot to drink but it still stands because he repeated it in the morning. He told me that if you would have not done those childish, petty things such as Amos, or Monsieur Boardman or especially Sarge, he wouldn't have disappeared. He fucked off to protect himself, under my advice. Blame me for  the fact that he 'hurt you so much' not him. He asked for my advice in every little aspect of your friendship because, although he'd never say this, he loves you. Fuck me if you couldn't see it you were a fucking idiot. Also, if you did these things in full knowledge of how he felt, then you're even lower than me and I'm the devil. I'm the voice inside your head that gives you those horrible torturous ideas.

I'm meeting N on thursday for coffee. Not sure how it's going to go, but we'll see. I'm kind of hoping it goes well. I'd like to not sabotage this. It's a strange feeling for me, this whole not wanting to destroy something. It's new. Anyway, it's time for me to sleep. Goodnight, dear readers. Goodbye.

Spencer X

P.S. Did you know that the word 'goodbye' comes from 'god be with ye'. Atheist, agnostic or theist. We all say god be with ye to each other. On that note. Tra. X

Advice to Jane.

In order to understand this entry please read this first:
http://itsachannthing.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/damn-enter-key.html

I'm aware that Jane is a pseudonym. In fact for a little anonymity I considered penning this blog under the name Sue De Nime, but then I thought fuck it. It's wonderful to think that about so many things. It's liberating.

Anyway back to Jane, and all women in her predicament for that matter. I may be a bit of a bastard at times but it's rare that I agree with the cheating party in a relationship. However, I kind of see where this Bob character is coming from. Track record plus warnings? Come on she should have at least prepared herself emotionally for it. I am not condoning his actions, cheating's not cool man. Don't do it unless the other party deserves it. Tit for tat and all that ;). What can I say? I'm childish. Anyway - Jane is obviously going through her 'viewing men as a lump of clay phase' which, ladies, is shit for men. Much as we pretend to be hard as nails, it hurts a little and is a tad offensive that you want to change us. If you want to change us so badly why get with us in the first place? We're people not projects, yeah? Woo! Go masculinism. Yes I did just create a new philosophy for all of you gents out there who wear the occasional tight trouser or touch of eye liner. I have no idea why I used a smiley face up there ^ I don't ever use them. Seemed apt I guess. But back to Jane, fuck I am such a distraction today. I get the whole bad boy thing in the same way that every guy has an innocent girl stage. Uncharted territory, still carrying the V card, yours to teach blah blah blah. But we grow out of it as do most girls. That isn't to say that I went through an awful stage of trying to sleep with only virgins. Christ it was a difficult few months, you see where I live virginity above 16 is a rare thing. Though I did find one recently, a 19 year old virgin. She was quite pretty too. Low self confidence, trust issues - you know the type. Anyway as I was saying, she will grow out of it. She just needs a little push, hopefully this yellow liking character will be just the push she needs. Horrible as it sounds, tears aren't enough to put a girl off guys like me. She needs to be emotionally wrecked. She then needs a lovely guy to come along, comfort her and be confident enough to not get friend zoned. Fuck that's wank when it happens. It's happened to me too many times, with girls I actually liked too. Fuck it. It's the past.

Jane, you need to read this part. This is the important bit. Like a diamond ring buried in compost. I can personally guarantee you that unless this guy falls madly in love with you (and even if he does there's still a chance) or he's the nicest guy in the world with the biggest conscience ever, he will at some point speak to and arrange to meet a girl via Facebook or something of that ilk. That is just what men are like. Lots of blokes will deny it, but it's true. We are biologically programmed to plant our flag in as many places as possible. That's just nature. But nature can be beaten with a lot of hard work. Jane, if you're worried about Mr. Yellow repeating Bob's actions just talk to him about it. Explain that the last guy you were seeing fucked you about and if he was considering doing the same ask for some honesty and for him to have the balls to tell you that he's not satisfied and is looking for it elsewhere. Maybe you could work on it then? Fuck knows. I don't know what the problem was before. But something will have pushed him to seek a lay elsewhere, whether it's boredom or dissatisfaction. Yeah, just talk to him though.

As a pretty feminine, intuitive man I can interpret some things you women mean when you don't say them. However, I am still a man and therefore the whole 'HOW THE FUCK AM I MEANT TO KNOW IF YOU DON'T TELL ME' 'YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST KNOWN' argument still confuses me and pisses me off. We're relatively simple creatures, we're not as good with body language or any of that other stuff as you are. Tell us what you mean and make it simple, then we'll understand.

Honesty, people! That's the message for the day. Stop speaking in riddles to each other. It's a confusing enough existence without us complicating it even more for each other.

Spencer.
             X

P.S. In another shameless plug for it, READ JACQUI'S BLOG YOU SLAGS. She's pretty. She's good. She's pretty fucking good. Plus she balances out my disgustingly male point of view with flowers and ponies and other girly shit y'know. READ IT. I like it. So should you. Apologies for the capitals, but I love a good malbec and it makes me all excitable.

Hugs and kisses.

Women.

You know what pisses me off most about women? They're practiced and professional liars. I'm not being vindictive or chauvinistic here what I mean is that they lie to men and to each other. Whether it's a bullshit compliment, a little statement to get you off the hook with someone who's interested in you, or what you're looking for in a man. Now I shall go through these and give examples.

Number 1. The bullshit compliment. Doesn't require to much explaining. 'You look lovely' then behind closed doors 'Didn't they look awful' Standard bitchiness. This I can deal with. This I am used to, we're all used to this and expect it.

Number 2. The getting you off the hook thing. Fuck that. Just be honest, I know you'll feel mean but if there is one thing I have learned from lying to women about my intentions and being honest with them, it's this. Honesty stops people from getting hurt too much. I'm not saying be a cunt to the poor soul but you know, none of the whole 'My heads in a bad place' 'I don't know what I want' 'I need time to think' Just a simple 'This isn't what I want and I'm sorry for that but it's not gonna happen. Move on.' Obviously put a little nicer but you get my drift.

Number 3. And this is my biggest problem with women. They will openly lie about EVERYTHING they want in a man. The majority of girls who I have had the pleasure of... becoming acquainted with, when pressed on the matter, said they wanted a sensitive, complex, thoughtful, good looking, nice guy. Well guess what? THEY EXIST!! Know where? Inside every person who's like me. Now, granted, I am only 4 out of the 5 now and that's because nice guys truly do finish last. But the point still stands that no girl would want to be with me for a night or for a year if they saw my true inner workings. Because I'm hard work. An ex girlfriend once made the mistake of asking me to be honest about what I was thinking and I decided to fulfill her request. So when I told her I was wondering whetherweweretrueloveandnotjustromanticloveandthatIwasn'tsurewhetherwecouldwithstandanythingremotelydifficultandhowifitcamedowntoitIvaluedmyownhappinessabovehersatthatmomentintimeandwhetherornotshewashappyisofcourseaconcernofminebutifmytruelovewalkedintomylifeI'dleaveherandpursueitbutalsohowI'mnotsureifmonogamyisanaturalstateofmindorwhetherit'simposedonusthroughpopularcultureandthenshestartedtoafskldsfghjuewrghjfbndsmwrgikj30ike4ei0gAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Yeah we broke up. Shortly after that. But I know that any women reading this will have flared their nostrils after reading that. You're predatory natures will be coming out to play. It's fine I'm ok with that and believe me I have played on it to get sex. My point is this though, you don't want someone like me. You're making a blanket rule for what you want that's been dictated to you by disney and other childhood factors. Prince charming doesn't exist. You just have to find the person who fits your life. So please, stop saying you want these men that are all sensitive and caring and blah blah blah blah blah blah FUCK OFF. You ignore guys like that, they bore you the only reason you keep them around is the same reason I occasionally fuck a girl below my usual standards. For an ego stroke. To make yourself feel better. 

If anybody would like to disagree. Leave a comment, or email me. spencer.sebastian.collins@gmail.com

For any women who disagree, try and prove me wrong.

All my love

                 Spencer X

La Musique...

So today was pretty normal until about 4 p.m. then all fucking hell broke loose. I was enjoying listening to some relaxing music when my phone rang. I normally don't answer my phone, I feel that they are corrupting our society and preventing us from interacting face to face and well, ladies and gentlemen, if there is one thing  that phones cannot do it's create a genuine physical connection with another human being. Don't get me wrong I know that mobile phones have their uses. For example if you're trying to be a slut or sexual libertine (it depends who you ask, my opinion is the latter) then sexting is fucking brilliant. I can have been out for three days straight without a shower and a change of clothes, drinking constantly and have had no sleep but sexy texting allows me to be whatever the recipient wants me to be. Fuck, in their minds I might have been to the gym and just got out of the sauna with that lovely cross over between steamy and sweaty nursing a semi in my nicest prada pants. The reality is, is I'm sat at home on my sofa in a fur coat wearing an RAF flat cap and wayfarers wondering how my body is still functioning having ingested this many different chemicals and beginning to wonder when exactly the point is gonna arrive where I want to peel myself like a satsuma. So yeah sexting is great. But yeah aside from the whole preachy note above, I don't like phones. I don't like the fact that I have to be available 24 hours a fucking day. If someone calls me and I don't answer they get pissed off. Like, I get that I should probably pick it up a bit more but if I'm having a conversation with someone and their phone rings then the initial conversation takes a back seat to the phone call. Fuck that. Don't get me wrong I'm guilty of that too.

Anyway I digress, so yeah my friend calls me and she's freaking out. She's having a bit of an existential crisis. Life is pointless, I'm gonna die alone, I have no purpose blah blah blah. So I then get to thinking what if our lives had soundtracks and we could pick the songs to best enhance certain moments. I discuss this with my friend on the phone to distract her from her impending crying fit. Seriously, I know this is gonna sound sexist, but why is it that women in general cry a lot more than men? At films, over certain songs, memories etc. I'm not ashamed to admit that I cry, sometimes regularly. It's good for the soul. Stops it from drowning, but I know women who cry at least once a day. Why? They don't even know. Fuckin' hormones. So from the soundtrack conversation she calms down, thanks me and invites me round for a drink and to watch a DVD. We all know what this means. It may surprise you women to know but, even someone who's been described as a borderline sex addict such as myself, can not quite be into it. There's a reason behind this though. And it all stems back to music. Whilst this friend and I were texting I was listening to some sad songs. Not like, suicidey sad but more sad love songs and it made me realise that, boys and girls, I'm in love.

I'm arse over tits for some girl. It's very out of character for me and I find myself at a bit of a loss about what to do next. I'll still continue to slut it up and fuck myself up on a regular basis because I love doing it. But it's odd that it was music that made me realise that I was in love. Music before has made me realise that I wasn't over something like the death of my nan. Fields of gold still makes me weep like a sailor's wife staring at a storm. It's made me realise that I'm still not ok with the fact that my old housemate fucked my at the time girlfriend and I did nothing about it apart from revenge sex with the one girl he's ever loved. Worth it though. She was a good lay.

Music is the best thing we do as a species. It makes us feel things we'd previously forgotten, it brings up lost memories, it can make us move in ways we don't understand. It burns a memory into our brains, it makes us look up at the sky and feel truly alone, but also comforted because we know the person who wrote the song have felt the same. In a choice between loss of sight or hearing, I'd choose to be blind. I can do without seeing beauty, but to not hear the birds singing or the waves lapping against the shore, or the laugh of your child, or your lover saying I do at your wedding. That is a life I'd rather not live.

Anyway this was all a bit up in the air. Yeah, today was a good day until 4 p.m. after that I counselled my friend who I suspect loves me, I cried, I worked out I'm in love, and I got drunk. I also went to work. But throughout the course of the day I worked out my theme songs.

Okay I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Doesn't - Brand New
From The Hips - Cursive
With Me - Sum 41
Under The Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Those 4 songs pretty much cover the most common aspects of my personality. I'm curious though, if you could choose your own theme songs what would they be? You have 4 slots to fill. Entertain me.

Yin to his Yang

I've been told by a close friend about a girl, who has helped him with a problem he's been having lately. I won't bore you with the details but long story short he's a bit in love with a girl he hasn't even seen naked. Bless him. Anyway he was having a really hard time rationalising all of this shit that's been going on so he spoke to the girl I mentioned in the first sentence - Jacqui Brough. He also tells me that she has a blog and is willing to help me out with mine, well what an absolute angel. Not only is she queen of matters of the heart but also when it comes to this whole blogging malarkey this girl knows her shit apparently. Anyway back to my friend Monsieur BT.

So BT has been a bit crazy about the second girl mentioned (KG) for a while but I trained him to be a little too much like my dark side. As much as it would kill him to admit it, 5 years ago he was a lovely, sweet boy. Then he got his heart broken. Then he met me. I took the poor lad under my wing and with my help he became a version of me. But he got a little too good at it and unlike me, couldn't keep himself grounded. So away he floats for 3 and a half years. Then he meets KG and apparently his new heart collides with his old one and he's completely cunt struck. Truly fucking mad for this girl within a few months but he doesn't know what to do. (I appreciate that I am actually recounting the story but I had more time than at first thought so here it is from my point of view.) He tries everything, pushing her away from him, pulling her close, ignoring her, complimenting her, being a dick, being a nice guy (but I always told him being nice gets you nowhere). Now he truly is nowhere. This girl has left him high and dry. Don't you women always say that men are the cruelest species? Well you're wrong. You are. BT has told me all of his little heartaches and breaks and believe me, there is enough in their to make me reconsider my opinion of the female species. By the way BT I apologise for the fact I'm about to do this but it's for your own benefit. He has been cheated on and lied to more times and by more women than any man ever deserves. Now he wonder's if he's too fucked for a relationship. Believe me mate, if I'm not then you're not ok?

Now, dear readers, here comes the question. BT has sent this girl a text message when he was completely sober about a lovely little incident that happened 'tween the two of them none too far in the past. I do not condone reliving past memories when sober. It's bad for the soul. But he's done it. Anyway my question is, if this girl doesn't contact him, or does contact him and doesn't say yes to the fact that he's asked her to be with him, what do you think he should do?

a) Not give up, he's clearly head over heels for this girl so why should he give up on her so easily?
b) Forget it. Move on. Bigger and better things and blah blah blah?
c) Go back to how he was before falling for KG and live the life I showed him (chemicals and debauchery)?
d) None of the above. (Please offer alternate solution)

BT and I look forward to your answers. But hurry, he's on a tight schedule.

Spencer X

P.S. Do me a favour my loves, check out Jacqui's blog. She has helped my best friend out when he was in a sticky situation, the least you can do is visit her blog. Don't be heartless.
itsachannthing.blogspot.co.uk

Loves. X