So today was pretty normal until about 4 p.m. then all fucking hell broke loose. I was enjoying listening to some relaxing music when my phone rang. I normally don't answer my phone, I feel that they are corrupting our society and preventing us from interacting face to face and well, ladies and gentlemen, if there is one thing that phones cannot do it's create a genuine physical connection with another human being. Don't get me wrong I know that mobile phones have their uses. For example if you're trying to be a slut or sexual libertine (it depends who you ask, my opinion is the latter) then sexting is fucking brilliant. I can have been out for three days straight without a shower and a change of clothes, drinking constantly and have had no sleep but sexy texting allows me to be whatever the recipient wants me to be. Fuck, in their minds I might have been to the gym and just got out of the sauna with that lovely cross over between steamy and sweaty nursing a semi in my nicest prada pants. The reality is, is I'm sat at home on my sofa in a fur coat wearing an RAF flat cap and wayfarers wondering how my body is still functioning having ingested this many different chemicals and beginning to wonder when exactly the point is gonna arrive where I want to peel myself like a satsuma. So yeah sexting is great. But yeah aside from the whole preachy note above, I don't like phones. I don't like the fact that I have to be available 24 hours a fucking day. If someone calls me and I don't answer they get pissed off. Like, I get that I should probably pick it up a bit more but if I'm having a conversation with someone and their phone rings then the initial conversation takes a back seat to the phone call. Fuck that. Don't get me wrong I'm guilty of that too.
Anyway I digress, so yeah my friend calls me and she's freaking out. She's having a bit of an existential crisis. Life is pointless, I'm gonna die alone, I have no purpose blah blah blah. So I then get to thinking what if our lives had soundtracks and we could pick the songs to best enhance certain moments. I discuss this with my friend on the phone to distract her from her impending crying fit. Seriously, I know this is gonna sound sexist, but why is it that women in general cry a lot more than men? At films, over certain songs, memories etc. I'm not ashamed to admit that I cry, sometimes regularly. It's good for the soul. Stops it from drowning, but I know women who cry at least once a day. Why? They don't even know. Fuckin' hormones. So from the soundtrack conversation she calms down, thanks me and invites me round for a drink and to watch a DVD. We all know what this means. It may surprise you women to know but, even someone who's been described as a borderline sex addict such as myself, can not quite be into it. There's a reason behind this though. And it all stems back to music. Whilst this friend and I were texting I was listening to some sad songs. Not like, suicidey sad but more sad love songs and it made me realise that, boys and girls, I'm in love.
I'm arse over tits for some girl. It's very out of character for me and I find myself at a bit of a loss about what to do next. I'll still continue to slut it up and fuck myself up on a regular basis because I love doing it. But it's odd that it was music that made me realise that I was in love. Music before has made me realise that I wasn't over something like the death of my nan. Fields of gold still makes me weep like a sailor's wife staring at a storm. It's made me realise that I'm still not ok with the fact that my old housemate fucked my at the time girlfriend and I did nothing about it apart from revenge sex with the one girl he's ever loved. Worth it though. She was a good lay.
Music is the best thing we do as a species. It makes us feel things we'd previously forgotten, it brings up lost memories, it can make us move in ways we don't understand. It burns a memory into our brains, it makes us look up at the sky and feel truly alone, but also comforted because we know the person who wrote the song have felt the same. In a choice between loss of sight or hearing, I'd choose to be blind. I can do without seeing beauty, but to not hear the birds singing or the waves lapping against the shore, or the laugh of your child, or your lover saying I do at your wedding. That is a life I'd rather not live.
Anyway this was all a bit up in the air. Yeah, today was a good day until 4 p.m. after that I counselled my friend who I suspect loves me, I cried, I worked out I'm in love, and I got drunk. I also went to work. But throughout the course of the day I worked out my theme songs.
Okay I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Doesn't - Brand New
From The Hips - Cursive
With Me - Sum 41
Under The Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Those 4 songs pretty much cover the most common aspects of my personality. I'm curious though, if you could choose your own theme songs what would they be? You have 4 slots to fill. Entertain me.
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