Advice to Jane.

In order to understand this entry please read this first:
http://itsachannthing.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/damn-enter-key.html

I'm aware that Jane is a pseudonym. In fact for a little anonymity I considered penning this blog under the name Sue De Nime, but then I thought fuck it. It's wonderful to think that about so many things. It's liberating.

Anyway back to Jane, and all women in her predicament for that matter. I may be a bit of a bastard at times but it's rare that I agree with the cheating party in a relationship. However, I kind of see where this Bob character is coming from. Track record plus warnings? Come on she should have at least prepared herself emotionally for it. I am not condoning his actions, cheating's not cool man. Don't do it unless the other party deserves it. Tit for tat and all that ;). What can I say? I'm childish. Anyway - Jane is obviously going through her 'viewing men as a lump of clay phase' which, ladies, is shit for men. Much as we pretend to be hard as nails, it hurts a little and is a tad offensive that you want to change us. If you want to change us so badly why get with us in the first place? We're people not projects, yeah? Woo! Go masculinism. Yes I did just create a new philosophy for all of you gents out there who wear the occasional tight trouser or touch of eye liner. I have no idea why I used a smiley face up there ^ I don't ever use them. Seemed apt I guess. But back to Jane, fuck I am such a distraction today. I get the whole bad boy thing in the same way that every guy has an innocent girl stage. Uncharted territory, still carrying the V card, yours to teach blah blah blah. But we grow out of it as do most girls. That isn't to say that I went through an awful stage of trying to sleep with only virgins. Christ it was a difficult few months, you see where I live virginity above 16 is a rare thing. Though I did find one recently, a 19 year old virgin. She was quite pretty too. Low self confidence, trust issues - you know the type. Anyway as I was saying, she will grow out of it. She just needs a little push, hopefully this yellow liking character will be just the push she needs. Horrible as it sounds, tears aren't enough to put a girl off guys like me. She needs to be emotionally wrecked. She then needs a lovely guy to come along, comfort her and be confident enough to not get friend zoned. Fuck that's wank when it happens. It's happened to me too many times, with girls I actually liked too. Fuck it. It's the past.

Jane, you need to read this part. This is the important bit. Like a diamond ring buried in compost. I can personally guarantee you that unless this guy falls madly in love with you (and even if he does there's still a chance) or he's the nicest guy in the world with the biggest conscience ever, he will at some point speak to and arrange to meet a girl via Facebook or something of that ilk. That is just what men are like. Lots of blokes will deny it, but it's true. We are biologically programmed to plant our flag in as many places as possible. That's just nature. But nature can be beaten with a lot of hard work. Jane, if you're worried about Mr. Yellow repeating Bob's actions just talk to him about it. Explain that the last guy you were seeing fucked you about and if he was considering doing the same ask for some honesty and for him to have the balls to tell you that he's not satisfied and is looking for it elsewhere. Maybe you could work on it then? Fuck knows. I don't know what the problem was before. But something will have pushed him to seek a lay elsewhere, whether it's boredom or dissatisfaction. Yeah, just talk to him though.

As a pretty feminine, intuitive man I can interpret some things you women mean when you don't say them. However, I am still a man and therefore the whole 'HOW THE FUCK AM I MEANT TO KNOW IF YOU DON'T TELL ME' 'YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST KNOWN' argument still confuses me and pisses me off. We're relatively simple creatures, we're not as good with body language or any of that other stuff as you are. Tell us what you mean and make it simple, then we'll understand.

Honesty, people! That's the message for the day. Stop speaking in riddles to each other. It's a confusing enough existence without us complicating it even more for each other.

Spencer.
             X

P.S. In another shameless plug for it, READ JACQUI'S BLOG YOU SLAGS. She's pretty. She's good. She's pretty fucking good. Plus she balances out my disgustingly male point of view with flowers and ponies and other girly shit y'know. READ IT. I like it. So should you. Apologies for the capitals, but I love a good malbec and it makes me all excitable.

Hugs and kisses.